My Other Realm sources--those who travel between worlds and dimensions--have informed me that Salvador Dali, The Master of the Surreal, now existing in the AlternaWorld, has gotten a hold of my collection, The Dark is Light Enough for Me. How he got a copy is beyond me. I didn't even know it was distributed Out There. Over There? Well, wherever the AlternaWorld is... Nonetheless, I was given this transcript of a conversation from one of my sources as he spotted Dali thumbing through the pages of my book as he sat in the Biblioteca de Borges y Café en el Borde de Eternidad (Borges Library & Café at the Edge of Eternity), sipping Cthulhu Crushes with his pet anteater, Morrison, at his side.
My Other Realm Source: Mr. Dali. I see you've got a copy of John Claude Smith's debut collection, The Dark is Light Enough for Me.
Salvador Dali: What are you speaking of, young man?
MORS: The book in your hands. [pointing to Dali's white-gloved hands]
Dali: Ah, yes. Dali's hands. Participants in the greatest artistic achievements man has ever witnessed.
MORS: Well, yeah...sure. So, have you read the stories yet?
Dali: Dali has not simply read them. Dali has absorbed them. Dali is filled with the wonderful words.
MORS: So...did you enjoy the stories?
Dali: Delightful and nutritious. Like dark chocolate for the mind. Could have used more dashes and semi-colons as they are particularly tasty. But Dali's tongue dances freely at the words it has dined on.
MORS: [confused] So, does this mean you...would give the book a thumbs up review?
Dali: [adamant] Dali raises all thumbs and fingers in favor of more words from this Mr. John Claude Smith.
MORS: [talking directly to me in his hand held recorder] So, there you have it, our first Ten Star review, one for every finger and thumb.
Dali: Dali asks, who are you speaking to of this ten star review, young man?
MORS: I am taping this conversation for John Claude Smith. I thought he might be--
Dali: [snags the recorder from MORS hand] Dali knows strange, John Claude. Dali knows and lives strange. Your words are strange. But they taste good and Dali demands more! Do you understand? Dali demands more! [hands recorder back to MORS]
MORS: [backing away, the company of this madman too much for him] Um...yeah. I'm sure John Claude will appreciate the kind words. [shakes head; pauses; wonders how Dali got a print version of the book before it's officially out in print] By the way, one last question. How did you get a print version? It's not released in print for a few more weeks.
Dali: My girlfriend, who will remain Nameless, got me a copy.
MORS: [pushing for specifics] C'mon, give me a name, Dali. It'll be our little secret.
Dali: [suspiciously] I told you. Her name is Nameless. She is and will remain Nameless.
Dali: And here she comes now. Nameless, darling...
A woman walks up. She has no eyes, is wrapped in a gauzy material, and is wearing long black gloves. She extends her right hand to Dali. He bows and kisses the back of her black-gloved hand, turns it over and winks at the eye in her palm. It winks back. She raises both hands to her face, palms out, and winks at MORS. MORS, rather stunned at seeing the cover model for John Claude's book in the flesh, makes a hasty exit, transmits this information to me via the shadow internet, and disappears into a multi-mirrored aisle in Biblioteca de Borges y Café en el Borde de Eternidad, never to be seen again. Well, okay, his image is repeated over and over and over, but he, himself, y'know...is never seen again...
So there you have it, my first AlternaWorld Ten Star review! Er...yeah! Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay, as MORS would say. Ahem.
Don't you think you would enjoy The Dark is Light Enough for Me, too? I mean...Dali would insist you check it out [available at Amazon worldwide, Barnes & Noble andOmniLit, with more sellers on the way] as it's a nutritious treat for your tongue...as well as dark chocolate for your mind.
What? Oh, yes, this IS the way my brain works.
Here's Dali and his pet anteater, Morrison, going for a stroll.